tired out

[c1sissy]

Thanks Avalon for the prayers, married 24 years. And on that day he looks up singles, after all I have put up with with him drinking etc.. So much, too much this year.

But I know I will go forward to become stronger and stronger (hopefully   )

[Avalon]

sis

I am so sorry to hear about your husband.  How long have you been married?  

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger (my son said this to me when he was 3. I've no idea where he heard it from but it was the right thing for him to say at the time)  You'll get through this I know.  Maybe even both of you will come out of it closer, or you'll have the confidence to stand alone.  My prayers are with you!!!

Avalon

[c1sissy]

Avalon,
I understand how you feel in regards to the furniture. i have purchased a few fall things so that Karen can take some arrangments to work for me.

However, in order to do this the basmenet needs cleaning. lol, a bit at a time as it has been so long since the work area that is mine has been done and is loaded with webs, so I put on two pairs of gloves when I clean down there as I am terrified of spiders, Oh, lol and a can of nice strong spider spray  

I believe you can do this even with the pain and headaches, check with the dr for muscle relaxers, this has been working a  bit for me. My headaches are now diagnoised as extrem muscle spasam type that work up my spine from the thoracic area into my shoulders up the side of my neck (which makes my neck tense and painful and tight) then into my head.) The prescribed method of treatment is a hydrocodeone doubled with an anxiety tablet and or a muscle relaxer. IF this doesn't work we add valium to the cocktail. To be honest with you all, this ist he first time in over two years that something is working for the headaches. And they are finally listening to me that they aren't migraine related. None of the migraine meds would work.

And also remember, that strong oak has had to bend in storms to become strong. I look at the pain episodes as a strenghtening of my oak ;>)

Relationship? Well, I know you arne't aware of the fact that my husband started drinking again, I found out at my daughters wedding. Wondered why he was so different over the past year plus, thought I would smell it on him, then thought, nah its my imagination. THEN on our anniversary while I was in bed with a headache He was on the comptuer looking up singles clubs!

But I knwo I can go forward and I will. There has been so much tossed my way this year more then any emotinally. Yet I have good friends online that help to get through tings, that is when I decide to talk about it ;>)

We all have strong roots, its just sometimes we have branches that need pruning. ;>)

[Avalon]

The tears are just rolling down my face.  My feelings about disability, work and relationships are also so close to the surface right now.  I thought that I really had these emotions worked out but I've lost my grip a bit.  My hormones could be really messed up right now too so maybe I have that to blame some (I should know next week when the test results come back) I haven't been sleeping well at all, my whole body is sore and I have  more headaches.

My friend and I really want to start a business.  I want to work.  
In order to come up with some start up money we decided to make some rustic furniture since I used to make it and people have been asking me to make it again.  The orders have been pouring in.  I haven't made any in a while because it hurts me too much.  I thought that having someone help me would make it better.  Jenny is definately doing more of the work than me and they are turning out beautifully, but I have been coming home in so much pain that I can't do anything.  Wreath season is coming right up too and there again is something that just distroys my shoulder, but it is the only way I know how to make the money we need for Christmas. It seems that all the things that I am good at are not good to me.  I don't know how to make the money we need to start this business and not kill myself in the process and I keep thinking why would someone want to go into business with me knowing how much I struggle sometimes.  Jenny is very understanding but will she continue to be...you are right Tom, one day at a time.

Tom,  I believe that it is possible to find love.  People in our situation for sure have challenges that have to be overcome.  I know even from my own marriage that the road is often bumpy but at the end of the day we not only bring disability but ability to the relationship.  Being sick is really only half the picture and if you really meditate on it I believe that it is possible to see the gifts that are also a part of it.  I think that I am a better human being as a result of this whole thing.  Human beings must work together for the better ment of everyone.  You have a lot to give and someone will see that, just be honest.


See I think I feel better already.  Just being able to get it all off my chest and being able to empathise/ sympathise with others, is what makes this venting column important.  We all have momments that we are better able to cope than others and reaching out is so very important.  Keeping it all in makes me more suceptable to getting depressed and I DON"T WANT TO GO THERE EVER AGAIN!

[c1sissy]

Tom, even though you have all those other issues, It is Tom that makes you who you are.

I understand your feelings right now in regards to the health issues and finding someone. I oft times wonder where things will be with my marriage when the kids are grwon.

Actually right now, I dont' feel like I have a marriage. I have someone here, but that is the extent of it.

Have you checked into disability training? I'm nto sure if where you live they have anything like this. we do in our county, but even with 5 children home I did not qualify finacially, though medically I did. No problem though, Ihave worked at learning extremly hard. (and yes, I do soemtimes get tired of it as it is taking soooo long)

also, have you checked with universities in case they have computers that they need to get rid of?

And, give Dylans friends mom a chance. Apparetnly she is aware of things in your life as I am sure that your son and his friend chat about things. As most children do. Ask her out for somethign small. Just talk to her.  

[Thomas]

Speaking of venting...

I'm still struggling too, and still trying to figure out how to earn an income. I haven't worked a regular job in 5 years and I'm in danger of having my electricity shut off soon. I know I'm able to do some work, but I haven't been able to find something that meets my needs and limitations. I thought I could get a paper route, as silly as that might sound.. but now you have to have a drivers license and insurance because you have to go pick up the papers. They don't drop them off at your house anymore. I've been trying to get things going online, but it's not working... and especially since I was having a lot of computer problems this summer, I haven't been pursuing much for fear my computer would die when I'm in the middle of a project. I've done some painting and stuff for my landlord and I still cut grass and do yardwork for a friend of mine, but it's not enough.

Talking about meeting someone... I feel like no one would want to get involved with someone who is unemployed and has chronic health problems... along with the fact that I'm still really not over my last relationship that ended a year and a half ago. I've met some great people on the internet from all over the world, but not much going on in my neighborhood.

The boys are doing ok. My ex wife and my brother finally got married last Saturday. I got to see my whole family and played a little guitar with Dylan.

Occasionally we joke that one of Dylan's freind's mom is single and thinks I'm good looking. I think she's attractive too, but could she accept all my problems and baggage? I'd like to think I might be worth it to the right person, but most people see things like no money, no job, no car, health problems, etc., and run for the hills... and I can't blame them.

Oh well... one day at a time, right?

[c1sissy]

Tom, I understand what you mean on all points, and I am not criticizing those that do have a difficult time. I think we all have had a difficult time when first diagnoised.

I think encouragment should be one of the main things for those who are having difficulty.

Sometimes I think that people feel that they can't even work. I wish I was working right now. I desire work.

Understanding and compassion are so important with all of this, as is encouragment to see that we can move forward, once we accept that we have this. And for some it takes longer then others. Add another dimension to this is making sure they have support from their familes. I think sometimes some people can't move forward because they don't have the suppor that they need.

and maybe wining isn't really the word I am looking for, but that is the one that came to mind. If you can think of a better term, please feel free to edit the postings.

Now more then ever I need to get some sort of income etc. going since I foudn out that my hubbie was looking on line for singles and supposedly stopping drinking. I guess that isn't in his plans since he was looking in clubs online.

So I will be working harder then ever with the learning aspect of life. Karen is going to take a few fall arrangments into work for me. I have been workign on cleaning the basement so that I have a work area once again. With james living down there it is going to take a bit of work to figure it out. Especially since his car insurance has drastically went up due to speeding tickets. His plan was to be moved out by now, but he was dropped by our insurance company from our plan.

I also let him know that having the speeding tickets will create a problem with his credit. I had seen a news report in regards to this! I was shocked to hear this. I had no clue that a speeding ticket could interfer with your credit history! I can see it if you neglect to pay the ticket, but just getting them? They had a whole list of things that night that blew my mind in regards to giving you bad credit.

Well, dinner dishes time. Then back to the css and template creation.

btw, how are the boys doing? And how are you making out? Have you met anyone lately? I hope so, you deserve someone who will treat you really good.

[Thomas]

I agree we can learn from people who have found positive ways of coping with chronic illness and continuing to live a productive life... but we must also have compassion and understanding for those who are struggling with it more. . Some of us tend to hold things inside because we don't want to 'whine' to our family and friends at home. We need a place and peope who we can just let it out with. People who understand. Some people are very negative about the loss and the unfairness of it. And I understand that anger and frustration. It takes time to get through that stage and we can't make it go any faster. It's a process we all have to go through, and people with compassion give us hope. Without it, we probably don't get past that negative stage. Venting, and being allowed, even encouraged to vent, I think is necessary.

I'm not suggesting you meant that people shouldn't vent, but I wanted to share my own view on that subject.

[c1sissy]

I would like to see everyone that comes in here learn to become a strong oak.

Sure, we have bad days, but I wish to teach that even though we have them, we can better ourselves.

so many forums on related conditions such as ours seem to have so many people who and dont' think they can better themselves.

Not to say that feeling that this doesn't have its place or time. But once it does, can we move forward? I think we can.

I sometimes think our doctors over medicate us, which creates a fog that we don't need. Evaluate your medications, on your own and with yoru doctor to make the final decisions.

Do we really need all of them? Are some of them doing the same thing as another one?

We need to teach each other how to pace, and how to live life. Life can be too short to not live it.  

disclaimer: I am in no way suggesting the removal of any of your medication without consultation with your doctor.

[Avalon]

Thanks to both of you too!  I appreciate all the work you have done here to make this site a informative and caring place to come!!

[c1sissy]

Avalon,
I just wanted to let you know that I totally love your sig line.

It shows that you have a strength within to get through whatever comes your way. I respect you for it.


Tom:
I know we get exhausted at times. But I also respect how you also have ventured into the web area of learning as well. You know as well as I that it takes a good deal of determination to make it with this all. I have the upmost respect for you and what you have accomplished.

I want people who come to visit our forum to know that even though we have this stuff, we can still do our best to be normal. We can accomplsih things in life, but we just have to work at it, pace oursevles and be totally comitted and determined to do so.

[Avalon]

Haha  Every winter I hope my doctor will write me a perscription for a warm climate vacation.  I'm still waiting for that to be covered under my health plan. *grin*

[Thomas]

Definitely tired here too. I always am, but usually get a little more energy in the summer. I walk and ride my bike more and do yardwork and whatnot. But in the last few weeks I've been more tired than usual and having more trouble sleeping.

The weather often hits me hard every time a different front moves in. It's been an unusually hot summer and we still had way above normal temps in the 80s and 90s until last night. A cold front moved in and we had severe thunderstorms all over the place with wind gusts up to over 70mph. Lots of trees down and stuff, but nowhere near like Katrina. A month or so ago we had 24 tornadoes in Wisconsin in one day, and some areas were hit pretty hard, but still nothing like Katrina. Only one person was killed that day by the storms. Appleton was missed by the tornadoes, but there were at least 3 in nearby surrounding towns. Today is a very comfortable 70*, but I have little energy. I'm glad the heat is gone, but I don't look forward to the cold. I'd take the heat over winter any day. I would NOT want to be in Canada in the winter! I don't even want to be in Wisconsin. I think I'd like to move to Boracay in the Phillipines!  

[c1sissy]

LOVE that avatar!

Yes, am tired, long summer, it went by fast. It was pretty humid though we had a nice wind most of the summer to ease up the heat part. The humidity really effects my breathing. So that tires me out. Battling migraines still. Frustrating to say the least.

Now am adjusting to not having the boys with me to talk to. I miss them right now when they are in school.

[Avalon]

Does anyone else feel so tired out now that the summer is almost over?  Don't get me wrong I had a good time but I feel so worn out that even the most mundane effort seems too much.  It's hard to get up any motivation for anything and the colder weather has sunk right into my bones.  I think I could sleep for weeks and yet there is so much work to do still to get ready for winter.